I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
