thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
