Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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