i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
