yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
