He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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