So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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