So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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