Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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