Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Randomize
