She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is my gift to your gina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
