ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
