East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
