I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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