I can tuck mytits in my pants
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
