tell your sister to shave her snatch
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu