the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
its like you know when i get waxed