I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro