I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND