32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.