I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.