Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.

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  (610): she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break. http://tfl.nu/sziy
  Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (2020)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse

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  (702): And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse http://tfl.nu/oibh
  Replies (11) Good night (1406) Bad night (3313)
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  (310): View more from California

  I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

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  (310): I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer http://tfl.nu/kzvv
  Replies (8) Good night (4513) Bad night (718)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college

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  (905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college http://tfl.nu/ke7d
  Replies (43) Good night (1387) Bad night (6358)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.

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  (703): I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/hego
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (2990)
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  (714): View more from California

  the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester

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  (714): the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester http://tfl.nu/u653
  Replies (10) Good night (9596) Bad night (1041)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.

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  (514): I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case. http://tfl.nu/sce4
  Replies (5) Good night (1226) Bad night (4079)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.

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  (412): I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight. http://tfl.nu/4uel
  Replies (7) Good night (2613) Bad night (798)
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  (212): View more from New York

  He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.

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  (212): He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend. http://tfl.nu/rr39
  Replies (9) Good night (1084) Bad night (2126)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ

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  (319): THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ http://tfl.nu/h11a
  Replies (15) Good night (3289) Bad night (1170)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it

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  (573): Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it http://tfl.nu/6pfl
  Replies (4) Good night (935) Bad night (341)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.

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  (856): After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/n5bk
  Replies (3) Good night (471) Bad night (744)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.

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  (908): I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there. http://tfl.nu/gv3y
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (685)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.

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  (315): Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure. http://tfl.nu/q5fs
  Replies (4) Good night (510) Bad night (377)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.

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  (570): I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far. http://tfl.nu/jtyr
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (201)

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