she was so not down for the gang bang
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
