that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
