My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
