i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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