I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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