All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
