Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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