im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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