I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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