while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
