I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she pinky promised me she was 18
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
