you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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