Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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