ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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