Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
