my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
