I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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