How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
