we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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