Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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