Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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