I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
