I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
