no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sarcasm needs its own font
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
