first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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