I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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