how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
