It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
