Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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