Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
