Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
