So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
