i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
