you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
