I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
