i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
