I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
