I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
