You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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