Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
