I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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