just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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