12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
