i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
