so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
