ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
