Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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