her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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