And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
