took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
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Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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