i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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