My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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