my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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