I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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