News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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