Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
