so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
