I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
