last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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