i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
